apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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