we have officially lost it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
