He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
