all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
