Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Randomize
