I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
