omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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