Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
