the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
