I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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