I wish my penis had an off switch
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
