the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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