if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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