Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
