John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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