i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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