Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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