It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
