maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
