I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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