Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
