I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
