Your dad touched me again.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
