i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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