Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
