I should be sponsored by Trojan
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
