the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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