oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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