The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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