How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
