dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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