I must be too annoying 4 u.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
