Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
