I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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