took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
