does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
