Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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