I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
