apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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