Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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