Just cropdusted the office
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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