I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
