"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize