Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize