when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
