I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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