matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
