HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
