traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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