"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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