You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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