is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
