looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
