we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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