Dual....:-)
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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