this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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