I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
