they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
