my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
