apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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